It’s been about a week since I overheard a conversation between my boys and their friends who spent the night. They were singing as they often do, but I did not interrupt them this time, despite feeling that Christmas music should not still be sung a full week into the new year. On top of that, it was a song that I do not particularly like… You know, that one that is referred to by some as the “Christmas date-rape” song.
It didn’t bother me all that much that they were singing it because I doubt they understand the underlying meaning of the song. They were stuck on the “Baby it’s cold outside” line anyway. What caught my attention and drew my focus solely on them was the conversation that came between singing that line over and over again. The boys were talking about the movie, Elf, and specifically the scene where that song can be heard. They referred to it as the shower scene and how they could not get that scene out of their heads.
The movie is rated PG, and the imagery does not go beyond a head and shoulders shot of Zooey Deschanel’s character in the shower, but that imagery is now ingrained in the minds of impressionable young men who are all under ten years old. Do you think they have no imagination? I’ve seen some very creative LEGO creations and art projects. I know that their imagination is intact and strong.
If I had that moment back, I would handle it differently than I did. I would have started a conversation with them about why that scene was stuck in their heads. Maybe it was just because of the song, or maybe there would be an awkward silence because of the “shower scene” they mentioned. Either way, I could have talked to them about being careful what they watch.
As a father of a girl and two boys, I need to be careful what I watch and the example that I set for my kids. If I have to pause the DVR when my kids come downstairs for a drink of water in the middle of the night, maybe I should reevaluate the shows that I am watching. Some of the shows I like to watch, like Parenthood, deal with adult issues in an emotion evoking way. Other shows like Big Bang Theory have occasional crude humor (and adult themes) that my kids do not need to be exposed to. Even shows like Myth Busters and Ultimate Survival Alaska evoke the vocal response “bad word” from time to time when we’re watching those shows together.
We cannot protect our children from everything. If you think you can, you are eventually in for a rude awakening. If you want to protect your kids from the evils of this world let me give you a few suggestions.
Pray
Pray without ceasing for your children. Pray that God protects their eyes, ears, and most importantly their hearts from the garbage of the world. Pray that when (not if) they see or hear things that might cause them to sink deep into the quicksand of sin, that their focus does not get pulled away from The Redeemer. Pray for the protection of their friends.
When your kids find porn or other inappropriate materials, make sure they know they can be honest with you. It’s better to have conversations before it happens than catching them after they’ve already developed an addiction. Help them pray through repentance and experience grace and forgiveness.
Setup Safeguards
Do not give your children unlimited access to the internet. Unlike any generation in the past, our children have more information and misinformation at the fingertips at speeds that seem almost instantaneous. Setup parental controls on their iPods, iPhones, iPads and any other device they have access to. Setup their own personal accounts on the computer with parental controls on and firewalls in place that will tell you about what they are accessing online. Don’t give them free reign of the TV either. While they may not stumble across porn while channel surfing, there are a lot of things on network TV that are just not appropriate for anyone, especially children.
Set The Example
Hold yourself and your spouse to high standards as well. You may not need the same safeguards that you’ve setup for your children, but you need to be accountable to your spouse. Show your kids what a healthy marriage looks like. It won’t always be perfect, and you might even fight from time to time, but when they see what is working in your relationship, they won’t feel the need to look for answers online. Don’t cheat on your spouse with Facebook either. If you spend more time checking up on everyone else on Facebook than you do talking to your own spouse, you might be having a digital affair. Keep it in check or delete your account.
Did you know that the average age that children first see porn online is eleven (source)? You may not feel the need to protect your children from PG movies and TV shows on the Discovery Channel, but I know you want to keep them from experiencing pornography as long as possible. Protect your sons. protect your daughters. Do not enable them with unlimited internet access and a lack of accountability. Protect them when you can and be there to help them back up when they fall.
Feel free to add your own suggestions below in the comments.
