I used to be a perfectionist, but not about everything. There just seemed to be certain things that would bring out a hint of OCD. As a child, shopping with my mother, I noticed the impulse racks at the checkout were never zoned very well. So I organized it while we waited for our turn at the register. When I’m working on a graphic design, I often obsess about getting everything pixel perfect.
Most of those tendencies have faded. I learned to loosen up with a lot of things and respect the abilities of others along the way. From a leadership perspective, sharing responsibilities is called delegation. From a peer perspective, it’s simply trusting others and letting go of control.
An Old Voice I Still Remember
The little bit of perfectionism that remains is most prevalent when it comes to recording music. I’m not a perfectionist when singing live, but something shifts when I’m in the studio. As I work on this current worship project, distant memories have been bubbling to the surface. One in particular is from at least 15 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday.
I was leading worship for youth group with a student band, and the youth pastor came up to me after our rehearsal. He said that he loved my voice and that it was “perfectly imperfect.”
I’m sure his intentions were good, but can you see how I might have struggled with that turn of phrase? To someone trying hard to do things well, that phrase felt less like encouragement and more like a gentle way of saying “not quite good enough.”
I didn’t let it bother me in the moment, but the perfectionist in me still replays those words when I have to listen to vocal tracks I’m recording.
The Power of a Voice
My devotional recently led me to read 1 Samuel 17 again. It’s the story of David and Goliath. Every time I read a familiar story, I ask God to reveal something I’ve overlooked in the past. I firmly believe The Bible is alive, and so it speaks to us in the midst of our lived experiences.
As I read, certain words began to jump off the page. In verse 20, David “left the flock with a keeper.” Even while being sent on another mission, he made sure his shepherding responsibilities were covered. That same attitude is repeated in verse 22 when David “left his baggage in the care of the baggage keeper.” Even in the little things, he took care of what he was called to do.
Between verse 20 and 24, the Israelite army shifted from shouting the war cry to fleeing in fear. The catalyst was the words of Goliath, taunting them and reproaching their battle lines.
I had to stop and read that again. The voice of a single man shifted the army from courageous to cowering.
How often do I allow the words of one person to shake my confidence and forsake my calling?
Distracted, Not Defeated
Back in December, I thought about recording and releasing an acoustic single for Let My Heart Be Rendered. I recorded some guitar tracks to layer together and then a scratch vocal track to just test out how it might sound.
Not long after I posted a TikTok showing some editing work with the audio from the song playing, a comment was left by someone I don’t know. Those can either be really affirming or devastatingly discouraging. You can guess how this one affected me:
“High hat is hot. Vocal is WAY hot. And that guy just can’t sing… but you’re not a miracle worker. Good luck.”
At first, I didn’t want to take that person seriously. There was actually no high hat in the recording at all. But I let the comment about my singing get to me. I didn’t record anything else for two months.
The Voice That Matters
I’m not the greatest singer. I’d say I’m average at best. But God placed a calling on my life to be a worship pastor right now. It’s not my job to compare my abilities to others. My job is to glorify God in all that I do and listen to His voice as He leads me.
He has called me. I’ve been given gifts by The Holy Spirit for the sake of His Name. It’s not my ability to sing and play guitar that draws people to worship the Lord. It’s the work of the Holy Spirit within them, drawing them to The Father and pointing them to Jesus Christ that leads them to worship. And I am humbled to be a part of the process.
I named my record label 19.14 Music. The foundation of that name is Psalm 19:14, “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer” (NIV). My prayer is that the music we publish aligns with that verse and leads the hearts of those who hear and sing the music to glorify God as well.
I may not have the vocal ability to compete on “The Voice.” But the Voice that truly matters has already spoken. He has called me. And that’s enough.