Sometimes it’s hard for me to say thank you. I encourage my children to say thank you at every appropriate time, but I myself fail at it often. I’ve been getting better at this recently, but sometimes the little things that people do for me happen without recognition. To all of you whom I’ve failed to thank, I’m sorry.
While I sometimes forget to say thank you for little things, I would like to think that I don’t miss the big things. I was recently given a check to get my kids the things that they really wanted for Christmas. I was sure to thank that person a few times, and was probably on the verge of becoming annoying. Then there are times when gifts are given anonymously. There was a season when my family would receive anonymous gifts in the form of gift cards to the local grocery store quite often. The timing was almost always perfect in that season, and we were always grateful to God because we had no one else to thank.
That season of nearly regular anonymous gifts is behind us now, but two weeks ago I was handed a card that had that familiar “cushion” to it. I was told that I was not allowed to know who the card was from, and I didn’t press to find out. I knew that it was our needs being met once again, and although it was meant to bless my family, my need was much greater. I needed to refocus on God, and the gift of His Son. He’s the whole reason we celebrate this season.
If I had known who gave us that gift, I would have thanked them and moved on. Instead I was almost angry because I didn’t have someone to thank. I didn’t want to thank God because I didn’t want to accept that He was providing for my family once again. Over the past month, I have been working (or at least trying to work) two jobs to just that; provide for my family. I didn’t stop to thank God for the financial gift He gave us from a friend, so He blessed us again through an unnamed person.
This week, I started to realize that my attempt to provide for my family under my own power is futile. No matter how much money I make, there are always more bills or things to buy. I can’t provide everything for my family on my own no matter how much I try.
As someone who works at a church, it might seem odd that I would have issues in trusting God, but I do at times. I thought I was trusting Him by hoping that my wife would be hired at one of the two places where she interviewed for a new job. Hope is not the same as trust. God will provide a better working environment for her and maybe even a higher salary. I trust that He will provide the right place, and I’m not just hoping that she’s hired for the next position that opens up. I thought I was trusting God when I found a second job. I was saying that I trusted Him enough to provide a second job for me, but I was thinking that I needed to work more to provide instead of trusting His provision.
I’m sorry God, that I did not fully trust You. Thank You for providing for me and my family. And to whomever gave us that card, thank you for your gift, and more importantly for turning my eyes back to God and His provision.