I’ve been noticing lately that the pace of life has increased a lot for me in the past few years. I am working at a church that is growing fast and spreading to more and more campuses. I have three incredible children that are starting to get to the age where they have their own activities like sports and birthday parties that they want to be a part of. I am now a homeowner with a house full of boxes that need to be unpacked. I have a wife that I love to spend time with and wish I could spend alone time with more often. At the end of the day, I just want to zone out and immerse myself in something mindless like a video game or movie or even just TV.
In my last post, I discussed the desire to develop the discipline to seek out God rather than just hope that I can find the time to do it. So far nothing has changed. I can’t even seem to make a small change like waking up 10 minutes early to read from His Word. It is a constant struggle for me in wanting to grow spiritually, but not being willing to give up anything else in my life. I have to give something up tonight or I don’t think I ever will. Maybe I can convince myself by the time I get home to not do anything else until I at least read or listen to some of the stuff my spiritual mentor has given me. It would be great if I could even go a step further and read some of God’s Word this evening too.
God, help me to avoid distraction this evening as I get home. Help me to make the time to seek You out. Help me to find that adjustment that I need to make to get into a groove of always seeking your face. I know You are working in my heart. Why else would I be asked to pray in a public situation twice in three days not long after mentioning that that type of prayer is a struggle for me. Help me to be open to what You are doing in me.
It’s funny how writing a pray in a public forum like a blog can be so easy for me, but praying out loud with a group of peers can be difficult for me. I know it’s not about being articulate and sounding holy when you do it, but I often times feel inadequate in those situations. I wonder if it’s that feeling of inadequacy that fuels my ability to distract myself from focusing on spiritual growth.
How do you stay focused?
Inadequacy is a lie from satan. Remember that every time that thought comes to your mind. It took me a long time to remember that, and still have a hard time. So I guess I’m writing this for me too. Thank you for putting my feeling into words, it’s helping a lot. It is great to see how God is growing you into the man he wants, even if you can’t see it.
There’s evidence of God working in your heart not only by placing you situations where you’ve been called upon to pray, but even just the thoughts and expressions you’re having of wanting to be closer are HIS doing. We have no “ability” or “desire” to draw closer on our own. HE draw woos us to Him.
Sometimes it’s hard to think of prayer (especially in “public”) this way, but remember that you are talking to your very best friend whenever you pray. Even if you hesitate a moment and take a deep breath before starting, refocus and think of who you’re talking to. Other people and things around us have a tendancy to fade away when we do this…
Thanks for your honesty and openess in sharing. I continue to pray for you and share your struggle(s) of desire to be closer, but not “making it happen”…