I think life can easily get the best of you when you’re not looking.  Sometimes all it takes is a little time to yourself for you to realize what’s going on.  I was given that “time” in an unexpected way today.  I’ll admit, I was a little frustrated when I had to drive an hour away to pick up supplies to build up the stage set more for the series that starts at church this week.  But what I didn’t realize is that God wanted that hour of silence on my way out to reset my focus.

I’ve been stressed out the past couple weeks.  Anyone who has had struggles through buying a house and moving can probably relate.  That on top of listening to a sermon series that I desperately want to apply to my own life [as impossible as it sometimes seems] had brought me a lot of frustration that I’d been trying to just keep bottled up.  During that hour ride, I realized that I had a big hole in that bottle and my frustration and stress was exploding out in the direction of my boss.  To be blunt, I was getting very confrontational.  On top of that, I could seed that my productivity had gone down drastically.  I can imagine that in many situations like that, most people would be at least reprimanded and possibly even lose their job.  Thankfully, and by God’s grace, I have been blessed with an understanding boss that cares about me as a person and friend and not just an employee.

If I were more in tune with God’s leading and promptings, I probably would have come to this realization a lot earlier.  It just goes to show me a glimpse of how much I still need to grow.  On my way back with the supplies, I called to apologize to him.  Over the past weeks I had been getting grumpier and grumpier, until that moment when I was able to release all of that emotion and frustration in the form of an apology.  As we talked I was able to learn some of his frustrations and how I was adding to them indirectly.  I saw how my attitude had started to spider and cause other issues.

I saw that I was being selfish, wanting everything to change around me  without even looking at myself.  If I don’t learn anything else from the fast few weeks, I hope I learn to look at myself for the changes that need to happen before (or more appropriately instead) of trying to change others.  I also hope that I continually become more in tune with God’s promptings and calling as I grow.  As hard as it is to say, I want Him to keep me in check.