Sometimes I try to wait a story out before posting it. This is not one of those stories. It’s hard, rough, unfinished, and dangerous (at least to me). Continue at your own risk.
Do you ever feel certain a nudge? Maybe it’s to lend an ear to a friend in need or to smile at the homeless man as you hand him a burger. Maybe it’s to give a little more money to church or simply give something at all. My wife and I are feeling one of those nudges (and have been for a little more than a week).
Last week, my wife found that one of her coworkers cut his family vacation in half to come home to a house burned to the ground. They were left with what they had packed packed. The nudge started. We had to vehicles with expired state inspections at the time and my wife was pulled over in one of them. We were blessed to be given 5 days to get it inspected or receive a ticket. As we talked about it, my wife felt a bigger nudge. She told me that we should match the cost of a passed inspection, giving it to God (through church and gift cards to that family). We were both thinking it would be about $200.
We dropped the car off at a local car shop and proceeded with our weekend. Through out 2 of the 3 services at church, I started to feel the nudge more. That $200 figure was in my head again, and then I got the call from the shop. $1900. Suddenly I started to struggle with trusting God’s faithfulness to provide for us. As I sat through the final service at church with my production volunteers, that nudge came back. Give it to God.
I acted, not on a whim, but in obedience to God. $200 -> submit. Through the next few hours, doubt crept in and I started wondering if I did the right thing. I was encouraged by one of my pastors to not doubt God’s faithfulness, but it not as simple as that. When I got home, I pulled out my guitar and started worshiping. That is when the doubt left. As I packed up to go play with a good friend of mine, my wife got off the phone and told me that her parents were given an extra car and that they were on their way out (7 hours round-trip) to drop it off for us to use as long as we need. So enters God’s faithfulness in the first tangible way this week.
Having another vehicle allowed me to take the older car (rusting out and needing $1900 of work just to pass inspection) to the junk yard for $100. I have been working on a website for another good friend of mine we met yesterday to do some final touches and tweaks. Before I left, he paid me the rest of what he owed me for the site (another $100) and his wife ordered me a pizza to take home. God’s faithfulness has returned everything that I gave to him and more.
Tomorrow I have the opportunity to get paid to do what I love the most. I am leading worship at a small church service a couple hours away. There’s more returns and it’s while I honor Him with the talents He has given me.
All this and I still utter to myself “I trust God, but…” Why is there still a but in that statement?
Today I took the van in for an estimate on inspection and it too is well out of my price range. I even just spent $100 to have the windshield replaced. It feels like I am back at square one. Apparently God wants me to trust Him completely (duh), but I am hitting a wall of doubt for some reason.
In all of my understanding, there is no way for me to get through this vehicle situation without taking on more debt. I just cannot do that right now. Why can’t I just let it go and trust in Him with all of my heart with every aspect of my life? Why can’t I stop relying on my own understanding?
He has already proved Himself to me in this situation, so why am I still skeptical?
Keep trusting Tony! It’s hard to be in those situations when you are much more aware of debt and being a slave to the lender! My wife and I were there and we continually trust God to keep us from being there again.
I have a similar situation regarding one of my cars when I was single. I was struggling just as you are, feeling a nudge just as you are and wondering where the money will come from just as you are. I don’t remember the exact timing, but I know shortly after I submitted to my nudge, I received a check in the mail from a dear friend wanting to help me in my tough financial situation. I know I cried, because I was not expecting God to answer with such an incredible gift. My expectations were not very high for such a BIG God and I have learned my lesson. Not that God answers with money every time, but simply that He answers every time. Don’t stop trusting Tony.
I will be praying for God’s greater rewards for you and your family. I can’t wait to see what God will do! God bless.
He must have something bigger than my imagination planned. I am just having a tough time letting go.
Well, no matter what He has planned, you need to be ready to receive His blessings in your life. As you work hard for Him, you will also be tuned into Him and how He is working in your life today and, as I do, get anxious for what/where/how He is going to show up in your life tomorrow.
Letting go is not easy, but as you strive to be like Christ in heart, mind and action you will discover that letting go becomes easier. If you haven’t read ‘Practicing the Presence of God’ by Brother Lawrence, I would recommend it. It’s a pretty small book, but profound in its writing. It hits on being content in Christ and working hard for Him no matter what is going on in life. The more content you are in Christ, the more you will discover that letting go will be a desire and not a hinderance – though it can still be difficult. Think of it as an act of worship or praise – ‘Lord, I am struggling to let this go, but this one is yours… completely!’ I remember that you wrote recently that our lives are to be an act of worship everyday and not just on Sunday. Be a light for those around you. Live out that light so that they may see that there is something to live for and someone that is bigger than what we face here on earth. Live out that light for your family.
God is certainly bigger than a broken down car and it is amazing what He can do with someone that is willing and ready.
Peace out!
I loved this post and believe me I have been in this type of situation more times than I can count. There are two things that help me get through them a little easier.
1. Putting on the full armor of God daily. When you do this daily, the spiritual covering is very real. That helmet of salvation is a great protection from the arrows of doubt that will never cease to attempt to penetrate.
2. Child like faith. I’m sure your children are at total and complete peace that their needs are being taken care of by you and your wife. As difficult as it is, we are to have the same kind of trust in our Father. It takes a lot of reminding yourself that God has it covered. We may need to pray for wisdom for the specific actions needed on our part, but God has never let me down.
Let us know how God works it all out!
P.S. Even in their knowledge of you taking care of their needs, don’t your kids ask you the some questions over and over? I know mine do! 🙂
you nailed it. i can’t believe i didn’t notice that. my kids are always asking “where are we going?” and “are we having dinner?” and “is mommy coming home from work?” even though they know they are taken care of and everything is under control, they still want to know what is going on. my typical response is “i’ve got it under control,” and they accept that. it’s time for me to really accept it, deep down and not just from my mouth.
thanks vicki
Tony,
When we are in the middle of the storm it is difficult for us to see that God is in control. Each of us is like the disciples. We willingly follow God’s call but when we are in the midst of a storm we forget who is in control. you have trusted the Lord and been obedient. Continue to be obedient and He will continue to bless you.
Think about a similar situation in the past. Were you as obedient? Did you realize what God was doing in your life? With each trial we grow closer to God. Is there less doubt or second guessing now than in past situations? If the answer is yes then you are still growing in your faith.
Sometimes doubt lets us know that our relationship with God is a work in progress and that we are imperfect humans.