I’ve been told in the past that God places certain desires in our hearts.  Although I have not come across Scripture to back that up, it is something I can agree with.  I don’t think a desire to become a missionary or pastor come from within ourselves, but through the guidance of The Spirit in our relationship with God.

Sometimes it might feel like our desires may never be fulfilled though.  It maybe that those desires are from ourselves instead of God, we might not be ready for the fulfillment of our desires, or maybe our attitude is off the mark and God is just waiting for us to focus on Him rather than the desires He put in our heart.

Ever since I started leading worship with students when I was in high school, I have had an intense desire to be in a role of leading worship.  Throughout the years since then I have had many opportunities to do just that, but those opportunities have become fewer recently.  Some of that has to do with my role at our church, but I think there is more to it than that.

About the time that I started feeling trapped in a career path that I never thought would be my job long term, my focus began to turn from honoring God with everything I do as an act of worship to always trying to find a way out of the trap.  At that point, my opportunities to lead worship fell into decline to the point of being almost nonexistent.  I had taken for granted the privilege of worship and leading others and my perspective became tainted as I began feeling like everyone was out to get me and keep me from fulfilling my desires.

If your read my posts with any regularity, you may have noticed a change in my attitude towards where I am in life right now.  Quite a few people have asked me why they hadn’t seen me on stage in a while.  My response used to be that I am always “stuck in the hole upstairs” (referring to the the production suite), but recently I have been more likely to respond in a way that shows an acceptance of my role rather than frustration in it.

Since my change in attitude I have noticed more opportunities to lead worship in multiple venues from staff devotions and youth group to weekend retreats and a local TV station.  Even with those opportunities, there was still a selfish desire to feel accepted as a worship by my leadership in the church.  This isn’t to say that they were against me leading worship, but that perspective thing made my view seem like I had to prove myself as a worship leader.

As I’ve been focusing more on what I am called to do in the position I am in right now, my desire for approval as a worship lead has faded to a memory of where I was not that long ago.  I’ve been making an effort to not allow my attitude to drift into negative emotions.  I know it doesn’t always happen like this, but with my focus corrected and aimed at pleasing God with every part of me (including my attitude), I have seen God fulfilling my desire to lead worship much more often.

I pray that as more opportunities to lead worship are presented to me, that my attitude would be like Psalm 145.

I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.
They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
All you have made will praise you, O LORD;
your saints will extol you.
They will tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,
so that all men may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.
The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.
The LORD upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and loving toward all he has made.
The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

 

Psalm 145 (NIV)