Last month was intense. I’m not sure why I didn’t write at all as things were happening. I think I just needed some time to process everything first, and I’m still processing as I write now.
Elise and I started the month home shopping. We have a great realtor and kinda had fun looking at a bunch of houses. I’m not gonna lie, it was difficult at times and after we miss one opportunity we finally found one that we really like. Everything is going well and we are in “waiting mode” right now until closing day. The only frustration I have is that we don’t have a set closing date any more due to some tax issues on the seller’s side. We have to wait for his taxes to be filed so that the lean on the title can be released. Oh, the joys of learning patience.
Not long after having our offer on the house accepted, my father’s health rapidly declined. He had been fighting lymphoma for about half a year and on April 18, 2010, he passed away. Seeing him struggle the last few days of his life were really tough. It was only a couple of weeks earlier that we were talking about him teaching me the wine making trade and us working together on each other’s houses. I keep telling people I’m ok, but I still have my moments when I feel like I can’t bear the pain of his loss. I know my mother is the same way. Trying to learn how to live again with out that major part of your life is a difficult task. Sometimes I get tired of people asking me how I’m doing because I’m tired of saying I’m alright when I’m not really. I just don’t know how to express how I am and there isn’t anything I can think of for them to do when they ask if there’s anything I need. I know prayer always helps but noticing that help is difficult, and when I telling people to just pray for us so often starts to sound cliché in my head.
Finally, near the end of April my church had the opportunity to host “Conversations with Fathers of the Faith” in downtown Pittsburgh. I originally hadn’t planned to attend the event because I was looking forward to a day of taking it easy, but I’m glad my boss asked me to help him run tech for it. Just being in the same room with John Perkins and Henry Blackaby, listening them pour out their wisdom was a huge blessing to me. I’ve always struggled with staying disciplined in my spiritual walk, so I need moments like that to get me back on track. I wish they happened more often. I posted a few things that really struck me during that time on Facebook and Twitter:
Blackaby: When you lose the fear of God, you lose the fear of sin and return to a life of sin.
Blackaby: The master sets the pace for the servant. So many of us have it backwards.
Perkins: We’re called not only to lead out of prosperity but out of pain. The idea of suffering is what the cross represents.
Dave Buehring led the discussion and spoke with us after lunch that day. The thing that stuck with me from the discussion with him is that we need to pursue, really chase after mentors in our own lives. I think that’s one reason that I wish for more moments like that conference where I can learn from men who have gone before me. With that in mind, I started that pursuit to find a spiritual mentor for myself. I know that it will be a blessing to me, and possibly him too. I hope that you do the same, and chase after mentors in your own lives.
To finish off the month, I dropped in on the journeymen guys again. Check out the podcast here.